Listening

Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

(from Defying Gravity)

To maintain sanity I am fliping back and forth between a high-energy Glee soundtrack and listening to the soundtrack of the natural environment. 

I leave tomorrow. I leap tomorrow. Or have I already leaped?

Last night about 20 of my family and friends gathered to help stuff 1400+ envelops to give away on the first leg of the tour. It was one of those moments that I felt connected and held...and also realized the enormity of what I am doing on this tour. Those moments have been sneaking up on me. They are thrilling...in a good and in a scary way. 

So here I go. 

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Went Something Like This

I talk to myself. Today the conversation went something like this.

Me 1: Sometimes I just wonder whether that small voice inside that says that I will never accomplish this huge vision I have is right. What if that voice is not the inner critic? What if that voice is just reality and my vision is too big and I'm not special enough to bring together all these people and change lives? It is possible that I will fail. 

Me 2: Get a team. People keep saying you need a team. Envision a team of people sitting around and planning the next steps of this vision. Feel what is feels like to work with other people to step-by-step bring creative opportunities to the masses. It would work, right? Now go build that team. 

Me 1: Yeah. The task doesn't seem so crazy when I see a team helping me. Okay. I won't give up yet. I will build a team.

Want to join my team? We are going to change the world. 

Stress

Stress drives me to do strange things. Like buy sauerkraut for the turkey dogs and ice cream cones, watch TV, sit by the campfire alone, conjure up memories of the Cape while eating burnt marshmallows, camp out with the little dog, wait for a storm, read by headlamp, sleep by glowstick. I do what I need to do. And trust that the wildness will renew me.

About To Jump

I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I have made the decision to jump. I know I will miraculously grow wings and fly, or maybe land in that mysterious net that appears when we need it, or plunge deep into warm and soothing waters that will carry me, or something like that. But right now from here I can still see it all laid out before me - the plan and the unknowns.

I can see that I have started something. The next 5 months of my life will be about a road trip. A leap of faith. A giant journey recorded on the internet. A spinning of a web connecting thousands of people. A coming together. A world of unknowns that will become known. 

I am one of the ones who always has to jump. I never regret it. I only ever regret not jumping. 

I wonder sometimes if the urge to jump will leave me someday. But that seems like such a distant question for another time so I choose to ignore it. What happens will happen. 

Right now I am jumping. 

Puppy Days

I overheard Ben talking to our little dog yesterday morning and he said "If I worked at home I'd never get anything done because I'd just want to play with you all day."

So true.