About To Jump

I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I have made the decision to jump. I know I will miraculously grow wings and fly, or maybe land in that mysterious net that appears when we need it, or plunge deep into warm and soothing waters that will carry me, or something like that. But right now from here I can still see it all laid out before me - the plan and the unknowns.

I can see that I have started something. The next 5 months of my life will be about a road trip. A leap of faith. A giant journey recorded on the internet. A spinning of a web connecting thousands of people. A coming together. A world of unknowns that will become known. 

I am one of the ones who always has to jump. I never regret it. I only ever regret not jumping. 

I wonder sometimes if the urge to jump will leave me someday. But that seems like such a distant question for another time so I choose to ignore it. What happens will happen. 

Right now I am jumping. 

Puppy Days

I overheard Ben talking to our little dog yesterday morning and he said "If I worked at home I'd never get anything done because I'd just want to play with you all day."

So true.

Home From Spain

I know I've been home from Spain for 4 months now, but Home From Spain is the title of my show in Northampton right now. I am showing the paintings I produced in Spain and tonight I am giving a talk about my work and my time in the residency. This is a culmination to the experience and that feels nice. 

Maya Stein and I are sharing the space on Market Street. She is running an open mic night and doing a writing workshop. A fun collaboration. 

a book i just made at Artfest of papers collected during my travels this fall

Looking forward to seeing some of you tonight!

Smarter

Recently I have noticed that my words have dried up. I have less desire to describe my world and less ability to formulate anything I feel is worth reading. I like writing, but recently it had dried up. 

I have a hypothesis that stress has pushed it out because the desire to string words together has been replaced with panic regarding running two businesses and a general sense of not doing enough. 

Ah, there is that word again: enough. How appropriate that it should show itself again. My nemesis, I think.

And yet sometimes something is not enough to get you to where you want to go and you either need to fight your way upstream or surrender to failure. I tend to just keep fighting and get more and more tired. And that probably sums up where I have been lately. And when I state my situation like this I am reminded of that saying "fight smarter, not harder." So there I go. That is what I must do.

The Blur. The Rush.

Traveling always seems to allow time to play tricks on me. These last couple weeks here in the Northwest have really flown by. They kind of feel like a blur. We did a lot of relaxing and exploring, but also a lot of working. I am talking about Seek Your Course wherever I go because I believe in my company and in our mission. And so I work and that makes time speed by even faster. 

Now our trip has come to an end. We toured the NW and enjoyed it. Part of my grand plan to move out here and Ben is no longer so opposed. He has seen it and approves. There are a few places we would love to live and I hope we are lucky enough to do so. 

one of my aunt's many elephants

I am continuing to fight the feelings that I am alone in my work. I would love to find a team to build around me. Seek Your Course needs a team building it up. I tend to be inpatient so I am fighting this and trusting that the team will come. 

I was thinking last night about walking like an elephant...slowly, steadily, with intention and an internal compass. Then I remembered that Ganesha, an elephant, is the remover of obstacles. I've been dwelling on these thoughts to help me move forward. 

another remover of obstacles

I will post more about Artfest soon. Or at least link you to my SYC posts about it.